Who doesn’t remember that mixture of excitement and dread associated with picture day? Who doesn’t have at least one haunting photo, where your eyes are mid-blink, or the metal of your braces caught the flash like a beacon of adolescence, or the braids your mom painstakingly put in your hair that morning had gone lopsided, or you have a black eye (happened to me), or you just plain look weird (also happened to me). Everyone has gone through it, and if you haven’t, congratulations, you are the exception and a liar. It takes until you’re about thirty for the scars of bad pictures to heal (maybe) and think that that phase of your life is almost cute.
The act of having their picture taken probably takes about fifteen minutes of their day, but those fifteen minutes own the day. There are about three camps from which our young friends approach picture day:
- My mom/dad made me wear this. This is way more common in the primaries. It generally includes parted and gelled hairstyles, dresses with elaborate collars, or shirts with any collar at all.
- Is it obvious I’m wearing makeup today? This is most common among the middle schoolers. And yes, it is obvious.
- Come as you are. This was not a strategy I ever employed as a kid, but I’m starting to think it’s the best one. At first glance you think, wow, they couldn’t at least put on a decent top? But then, when they are thirty and letting go of their preteen hangups, at least they’ll remember that Warriors jersey they wore every free dress day for five years.
Picture day was some time ago, but receiving the pictures was not so long ago. Trust me, you definitely wish you were a fly on the wall when those pictures are handed out. It is nothing short of hilarious. The giddiness is unreal. Every student’s vanity suddenly skyrockets, when most of the year we aren’t totally sure they know what a hairbrush is.
Like a right of passage, those big envelopes with the plastic windows that perfectly frame the too-close-up version of your school picture have not changed a bit. They are far more intimidating than college acceptance letters (we all know the big one means good news); and why don’t they put the more conservative wallet-size ones in the front so you have enough time to check out the picture for yourself before anyone else can see it? It’s like LifeTouch is out to embarrass you.
There are also about three camps from which our young friends approach receiving their pictures:
- Glance at it for exactly half of one second, hate it, shove it into the depths of your backpack, zip that sucker up, and pretend you had missed picture day altogether.
- Say, OMG I ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD, and walk it around the classroom like a show dog that you had no idea was a show dog but are thrilled to have learned is a show dog that’s won all the gold medals.
- Become a chameleon. When your friend says “I hate my picture,” you say, “My picture is way worse than yours.” When your friend says, “I like mine,” say, “Mine’s pretty good, too.” This helps guarantee that you’ll get to see everyone else’s.
For the more unfortunate pictures, the real question is whether or not it’s bad enough to risk a retake…
Signing off, Schoolyard Eagle Eye